Visceral Connections

The night that my husband left for basic training, I went out to my parents house for supper.  I moped around, cried a little, but functioned.
Then I came home, and I got ready for bed.  I started to slip beneath the covers only to realize in physical reality that his body would not be next [...]

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Lotion

One of the last tangible ways I was able to tell my Mom I loved her was by rubbing lotion into her feet. 
It seemed to comfort and soothe her, and the act of doing it, for whatever reason, comforted and soothed me.
The little things I could do at the end became obsessions:  Swabbing her mouth [...]

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Sense-soaked Memories and Regrets

I remember so many of the sensations of those months:  The sticky summer evenings.  The dry, browning grass.  I remember the loneliness of it all–Husband was gone on the boat, and I was tackling the most difficult thing in my life. 
I remember evenings spent sitting with Mom in the living room–Me rocking my baby girl [...]

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Gone

I woke up from a short, but fitful sleep to nurse my 4 month old daughter.  I’d just latched her off when I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
It was my Dad.  “She’s gone, Val.”
I slipped back to their room to see that he was right.  The empty, tortured look in her eyes was [...]

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Dear Mama,

This is an ongoing letter to you.  These are words that I wish you could read.  These are words that want to spill out of me on the phone or sitting across a table from you, but can’t anymore.
It’s been nearly 2 years since you died.  I wanted to type ‘you left us,’ but this is [...]

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