Three Years and Avoidance

Next Friday it will be three years since I lost my Mom.
By some coincidence of the universe (or not) I’m actually going to be back at Dad’s next week, staying in the room where she took her last breath (and I think to myself suddenly–PLEASE let this NOT be the visit where they’ve decided to [...]

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Visceral Connections

The night that my husband left for basic training, I went out to my parents house for supper.  I moped around, cried a little, but functioned.
Then I came home, and I got ready for bed.  I started to slip beneath the covers only to realize in physical reality that his body would not be next [...]

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Lotion

One of the last tangible ways I was able to tell my Mom I loved her was by rubbing lotion into her feet. 
It seemed to comfort and soothe her, and the act of doing it, for whatever reason, comforted and soothed me.
The little things I could do at the end became obsessions:  Swabbing her mouth [...]

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Sense-soaked Memories and Regrets

I remember so many of the sensations of those months:  The sticky summer evenings.  The dry, browning grass.  I remember the loneliness of it all–Husband was gone on the boat, and I was tackling the most difficult thing in my life. 
I remember evenings spent sitting with Mom in the living room–Me rocking my baby girl [...]

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