Sometimes I still feel like I just need to sit and talk about everything that happened during my last days with Mom. I find that here at four years out I remember things differently. I’m editing things, and generally not positively. The more I look back, the worse I feel about the way I did things…. the more convinced I am that maybe I made things harder for Mom. It’s not that the grieving hasn’t eased up. It has. I’m moving on. I’m positive. But… looking back to the end there… I have so many questions and feelings. It feels like there is a great deal of unexplored territory there, but I don’t know if I can navigate it on my own. Which makes me sound like I really need counseling, and maybe I do on this matter. But in general, I’m good. I’m ok.
It’s just staring down those last few days and wondering about what ifs….
